CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
