Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
