My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
