Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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