How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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