dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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