pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize