Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
