There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
