OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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