Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
