yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize