im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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