You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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