My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
