literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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