Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize