im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
