Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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