she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
