i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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