you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will pee on everything he values.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
