I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
