After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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