I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
