Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
