thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
