I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
