Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Text me some of your sweat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
