i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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