i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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