You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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