You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
