is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
