Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
