We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
