i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
