yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
