Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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