How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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