I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize