I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize