Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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