I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
