he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
