Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm like, not good at living.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
