Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
