what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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