Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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