Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
