I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
