i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
