I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
