Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize