That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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