nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
