She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
