Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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