You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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