i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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