i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
