U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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