my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Life is so much better after having sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
