i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize