somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
