i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
