He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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