During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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