It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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