i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
