good thing vaginas are great cup holders
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
