And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
