On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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