When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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