don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize