You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
