dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
