So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That accounts for only three of the penises
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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