If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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