i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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