Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
