I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
