swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
