I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
