That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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