I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
COCAINE IS GR8
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
