i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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