How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
