I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize