So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
