plz talk dirty to me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
